so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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