i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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