I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
