I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize