You're my little dorito
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
