he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
