Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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