I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize