margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
