he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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