You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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