soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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