My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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