Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
