rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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