Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
