I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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