Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
