Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
