My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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