dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
