Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
