I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize