i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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