I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
