This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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