Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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