I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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