She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
