I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she smelled like a LAN party
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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