Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
