how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize