My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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