Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Randomize
