oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
