Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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