I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
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