can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
