She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
