You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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