Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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