Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
