Porn is love you can see.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I didn't notice because vodka
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
