Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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