Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
