i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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