I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
