if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
