He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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