well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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