Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
