Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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