i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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