remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he puts the penis in happiness.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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