I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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