I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
