I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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