I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
