I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
