he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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