We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
BRING THE BAGELS
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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