adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
