I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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