I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
