I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just google imaged poop.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
