Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
