I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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