The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
