Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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