This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
